but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
