ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
