I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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