Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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