Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
