I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
