If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
