I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
