So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
