so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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