I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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