I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I need to align my fucking chakras
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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