Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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