It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
