I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
