I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize