I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
...so i touched it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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