I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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