she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
