Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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