Porn is love you can see.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.