I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
