You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
