Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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