Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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