i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
