My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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