1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
