so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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