Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
