I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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