I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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