so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
