i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
