i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
