i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
