just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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