you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
