Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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