it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
