I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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