Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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