this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
