goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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