Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
