I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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