You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
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True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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