hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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