If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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