you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
