I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
