I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
