He disabled his match.com account in front of me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize