but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
