im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
