lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
