Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
