Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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