Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
