just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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