Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
