how can u be prego again
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
