Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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