Sry I called you an 8
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize