This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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