I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
