I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
