I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
try to milk me bitch
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