Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
