can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
