matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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