she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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