hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
