I cannot find my penis.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
