Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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