Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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