what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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