can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just cropdusted the office
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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