Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
