i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
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They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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