I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
