You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
