And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
