So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
