I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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