Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
