The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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